December 17, 2011

A Creative Use for a Hamper

I grew up with an evil genius. My older sister. She was sharp as a tack and her brain was lightning fast. I didn't stand a chance against her powers, especially considering the fact that my family collectively referred to me as "Captain Slow."

She carried out one of her most evil plots before I learned how to read. She saw my inability to discern words from letter combinations as an exploitable weakness. Therefore, she handed me a pair of scissors and directed me to a mattress.

I obliged. Then she read it aloud.

And then she gave me some legal advice.

I reacted to this sudden change in the course of my life about as well as one would expect.

Mercifully, my sister offered to save my life by stuffing me in a hamper where the cops couldn't find me.

For added protection, she wedged the door side of the hamper against the back wall of the closet in the guest room (the room that got the least foot traffic in the house), and then wandered off. It was kinda like a Ping the duck type situation.

Several hours later, my mom miraculously went into the closet to put something away. This next part is hazy for me, but she says she heard muffled sobs coming from the back of the closet. Upon investigating, she found me red in the face, hot and sweaty, pleading that she shut the hamper door so I didn't get sent to the clink.

It was absolute heaven when she explained I wasn't going to be incarcerated.

I got my sister back several years later when I threw all her dry clean only clothes in the pool.


Nikki said...


Carol said...

Love the story! As the youngest of four, I can so relate!!

Rai said...

I like the idea of you harboring this resentment for several years...and just when she's all but forgotten about this prank... CLOTHES IN POOL!