May 15, 2012

When I was an older baby, people found me a bit unnerving. This was because I began to talk at an early age and never spoke baby-talk. I just opened my mouth one day and complete sentences came out. When new people came around, they were always a bit startled.

In order to remedy not liking my name, I came up with a new one for myself.

I have no idea where anything but the Jordie part came from.

My ability to speak clearly so young created a tricky situation for my mom in terms of her cooking. Whereas most babies at that age can't exactly verbalize cooking critiques to their parents, I was an exception. One of my favorite childhood home videos has a scene that plays out as follows:

Perhaps because she thought it would be cute, or perhaps as a subconscious way to get back at me for those types of comments, my mom decided to give me a bowl haircut as soon as I had enough hair. My hair came in blindingly blond, and the bowl was pretty big, so I hardly resembled anything human for several years.

What she hadn't counted on was that I would use this bowl of hair as a napkin when it came to mealtime. I first discovered this option when my parents brought my sister and me to my grandmother's apartment for some spaghetti. To my mother's horror, I forewent the fork and spoon and began shoveling the noodles and tomato sauce into my mouth. At one point, I became displeased with the notion that there was red sauce all over my hands, so I reached up and wiped it all in my hair.

From that moment on, I wiped everything on my hair. There was no mess that could not be cleaned up using my hair. After meals, my mom and dad would have to put me in the sink and run the faucet over my head.

When I got to be a little older, my food critiques got a little more colorful and nuanced.

When it came to food, I may have been able to dish it out, but I also had to take it. Once, I slipped while climbing into my chair to eat a bowl of chili.

When I lifted my face from the scalding hot chili, there were bits of meat and beans stuck to it.

I also had the propensity to throw up everything I'd eaten in my mom's vehicle on long car trips.

I have to be extra nice to my mom on mothers day.

1 comment:

jcarr0728 said...

Great post, Jordie! I just have one thing to say though....You need to be extra nice to your mother EVERY day!